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March 19, 2012
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How to Live with Introverts (PDF available!) by RomanJones How to Live with Introverts (PDF available!) by RomanJones
PDF BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE! romanjones.deviantart.com/jour…

I thought a lot of folks out there could benefit from learning how to with introverted people.
I drove my ex crazy by being introverted. He thought that I was being "distant" and "purposely ignoring him as part of a passive-aggressive power play". Here I was just enjoying his company without talking.

German translation: at-msupload.deviantart.com/art…

Chinese translation: www.guokr.com/post/411816/

Polish translation: imageshack.us/a/img827/110/int…

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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-06-09
:iconpsi-baka-onna:
Psi-Baka-Onna Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm an introvert that works in retail. Not sure how that happened but there you go.

I used to get what I can only really describe as anxiety attacks back when I worked on checkouts and I could never properly articulate why I got them when I was younger. The best way I could put it was that I was afraid of crowds; too many people making me feel claustrophobic. That was never quite right as although I was interacting with a lot of people, it was spread out over several hours. Your comic is probably the best explanation of what I was going through: too many people breaching my hamster ball and making off with my energy. So thanks for that.

Luckily I work on a quieter department now so I don't have my "attacks" any more but the comic still remains an apt description.
Reply
:iconoddball-dragonfly:
Oddball-Dragonfly Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Student General Artist
If you're still in retail while Black Friday is goin on, you're gonna have a bad time (unless you take a sick day)
Reply
:iconpsi-baka-onna:
Psi-Baka-Onna Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nah, I live in England and work in a supermarket on the deli counter. The rush isn't quite the same. It'll get hectic Christmas week  when everyone wants their party nibbles but I should avoid most of the Black Friday rush.
Reply
:iconoddball-dragonfly:
Oddball-Dragonfly Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Student General Artist
Ahh... Sorry, in the US when people say "retail" we usually think "clothes department" or something in that general area. ^^"
Reply
:iconpsi-baka-onna:
Psi-Baka-Onna Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No worries, it's an easy mistake to make. Retail basically just means "selling stuff" after all.
Reply
:icondemonfoxproductions:
DemonFoxProductions Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
with this comic... I found out that I am an introverted person...

I HATE parties...
I LOVE having my alone time...
I LOVE it when I'm alone at home...
I LOVE doing my own art.

I also tend to get very sweaty when among other people...

I do like going out into the cities...
I do like shopping for things like video games and art supplies...
and music shops...
and I loved Manchester MCM.

but most of the time I just spend walking about wanting to buy stuff...
not much social stuff going on there...
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You are probably just a person who "hates" socializing with people you don't know, and that's perfectly ok :)

The fact that you love doing your own art, having no problem going to the city ect. speaks more for a completely healthy mindset of booth, intro- and extroverted features.
While there is no such thing as a TRUE introvert or a TRUE extrovert, because this is highly situational, you might lean more towards a perceiving than acting character.
It's not rare that people mix these with intro- or extroverted. One is a shifting state your brain is in, the other is something that defines you as a person.

From the way you wrote, it seems you are not very happy with your current character. I hope I'm misinterpreting things. Otherwise, I hope you won't stress yourself about stupid definitions like intro- or extrovert.
Reply
:icondemonfoxproductions:
DemonFoxProductions Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:facepalm:
I don't HATE socializing with people I don't know...
I find it intimidating. I get sick, and sweaty...
(though I don't mind it if people watch me draw)

it's the primary reason I can't voice chat to people I want to chat to over Skype.

I stammer a lot... prefer writing over talking.

I hate parties because
1. loud music... can't hear my voice cuz it's so loud.
2. they're BORING!! I hate dancing, so all I do at parties is sit in a corner and draw.
3. I burn out a lot faster than others... even when I'm not dancing.

plus the fact that I get anxious around people I don't know... 

though I don't mind traditional Irish music sessions with my family...
prfer a small group than big parties.


I like big cities because there are many things you can do...
and the big music shop in Dublin.... ah...
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
No offence intended, but i'm tired of this misinterpretation of the terms intro- and extrovert and labels in general...

See, the thing is, from a psychological standpoint, there really really really is no such thing as a true intro or extrovert.
But let me explain.

How you react to something, is highly situational. You think you have a fixed character, but really it is more fluctuating than you would think. Be it with friends, at work, in different social situations, you have a different characteristics.
There are hundreds and thousands of psychological studies, with millions of different character-types to "choose from". Being introverted is a mental state you set yourself in when reading, studying, watching a movie, writing and so on, its also called self reflection, and every human being should be capable of it (unlike some who aren't, and they need help). And you act extroverted during interaction with others, team sports, collaborative effort, speaking and even while creating art! Booth sides are wonderful to have. You might tend to lean more towards one side, and consider yourself to be an introvert, but that's more like your most used character, not a permanent.

Funny thing is, you can even measure this trough brainwaves. Your brain produces brainwaves or to use a more professional term, neural oscillation. It reaches from 1 - 70Hz and is linked directly to your consciousness. There are delta (1-4Hz), theta (4-8Hz), beta (13-30Hz) and gamma (30-70Hz) frequencies. Most of these frequencies are active together. Your brain most likely will right now produce low beta, high theta and low delta waves, unlike you are about to sleep (hopefully not because you are bored by my comment) then it's more composed of delta and theta waves and nearly non by beta. The more alerted you are, the more the composition is dominated by gamma (That's not entirely true, but to be honest, I could write a novel about this :P). How is this related to being introvert you may ask. Well, there are people who produce more theta waves while resting, these people are more thoughtful and reflective, but they also thrift easily into daydreams and lose focus. Then, there are people who produce more beta and gamma waves, these are constantly alert, and while they don't feed their brains with as much information while idling and generally are easily distracted, they can react to sudden situations much more spontaneous. Perfectly, you would have something between the two. Your brainwaves always fluctuate, tending more to gamma while speaking at conferences or doing sports, and falling back to delta, the more chill you are. There are like 200 different combinations of brain-states, being intro- or extrovert is highly dependent on them.

Let's step aside from the fact that your character is not fixed. There is this believe, that only introverts have this system where they spend energy in social situations, and fill them back up when they are alone for themselves.
This is particularly true, but it is this way in every human being. Not only just humans, but with primates and more intelligent mammals too. Everyone gets tired and drained at some point, and while it looks like some people get energy from going to parties, it's not bound to being extrovert. They do something they like, and therefore get a push. If socializing is what you need to get going on, then you are in fact more tending to act extrovert more often, but in reality, even these people get most of their energy by resting. Even the most extrovert archetype has to be alone for some time to feel good, and in an opposite, even the most introvert person needs social contact once in a while. And this socializing is not draining energy because you are introvert, it's draining energy because you generally don't like socializing that much.
I love socializing and feel rejuvenated afterwards, but talking in front of huge groups drains me because I don't like it. I love reading and get energy by doing so, but I hate reading blogs, because I consider most of them plain boring, and it drains me therefore.

While I appreciate this artist and his efforts, it is unique to him. That's just how one person works, not every "introvert". I would consider myself to be more often intro, than extroverted, but I'm also a functioning human being, and generally do not hiss at others for no good reason :)

This is a big part of my studies, and I hope I could interest some of you in it.
Reply
:iconlove3509:
love3509 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014
Very interesting. However, instead of saying this person is a more-or-less-calm-anti-social-person-who-enjoys-their-own-time, it is easier to say introvert, yes? I am what is considered an introvert - and we all know that we're not 100% one or the other. I do not enjoy stranger's company, but I do actually have friends (whom I usually enjoy to be around) and everyone here is the same. It's just...nice...not to be called anti-this and anti-that, ya know? Being called an introvert just seems more positive. But I digress. I learnt something, but I think that the artist's definition is someone who leans, more or less, towards an introverted state is an introvert.

As for the energy, I thought that was what he meant, since I'm anti-social and pretty much feel dead after talking to random people (in real life, not online which is kinda strange but a conversation for another day ^.^). I could rant on FOREVER about this, because I am very passionate about this subject.
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You are completely right.

This is more meant towards people who consider others extro/introvert for the wrong reasons.

I'm always called an extrovert because I love talking and lecturing people in a very energetic manner. 
Which, of course, is a something not everyone can stand. But what they don't see is that I'm completely calm on the inside 99% of the time.
I'm completely in the middle of things, but others always consider this extrovert.
This wouldn't be all that bad, but it brings up some very annoying stereotypes.
And that's what I think is wrong. They define extroverts as "not as intelligent" and "annoying" while introverts are "antisocial" or "losers".
This comes from booth sides. Introverts, talking down to extroverts because they think they are much more intelligent and classy, and extroverts thinking they are much cooler because they have more friends and go to party's more often.
But this are not skills that fall intro the spectrum of an introvert vs. extrovert debate. In reality, these are archetypes defined by a group of people, not knowing that they identify so much with a term, that they just favor opinions from others that fall into their archetype, and devalue the ones from their counterpart. And that's not how defining a character works. In fact, it's so complicated you would have to study biology, neuroscience, psychology and a lot of other things to just have a marginal understanding of the complexity of the human character.

Sorry for talking so deep into this, but it's a subject that I really love, and as that, I nearly value it to a philosophic point.
Like I said, you are completely right, but what I wrote was not targeted against anyone in person, just a little rable :)
Reply
:iconbenioxoxox:
BenioxoXox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
A funny fact: music and overall radio waves affect brain the way it balances out intro and extrovert of what I heard...
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You're right. Every stimuli you get can potentially shift your brainwaves. With music, it's pretty strong because you passively enhance the effects by letting your sensory input, what you hear, slip to an emotional state to perceive. It is unclear even for neuro-scientists how this process works.

With binaural beats, for example, you can actively tune the spectrum of brainwaves produced. No as much as most esoteric people claim it to be, but it works.
Reply
:iconrandomcitizen12:
rAndoMCitIzen12 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Student General Artist
I have read this entire comment and I must say I enjoyed what you said, screw that fact that it is long , I actually learned something out of it!
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
This is very nice. People like you really make me want to write a book about it :) 
Thanks.
Reply
:iconrandomcitizen12:
rAndoMCitIzen12 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Student General Artist
you're welcome!

I like to thrive in anything educational or in things that broaden my knowledge about the world and the people... You could even say I live solely for the purpose of learning :iconcutiesmileplz:
Reply
:iconmurachacha:
Murachacha Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I will not say the world needs more people like you,
but it definitely needs more people with this kind of mindset!

You would surely make a perfect teacher! :)
Reply
:iconknight-lights:
Knight-Lights Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
XD If I had to send this out to every body I greatly dislike and disturbs me, that would be a lot to send out.
Reply
:iconfiragare:
firagare Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Student General Artist
The way you explained how to live with introverts is just amazing.
I'm an introvert too. 
Reply
:iconjewelcat1337:
JewelCat1337 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I used to be truly introverted, and while I still need to leave social situations after a while since I get so tired, it has gotten to the point where I am forced to be more extrovert in my behavior to survive living with my house hold >.> it sucks big time.
Reply
:iconaquaciana:
Aquaciana Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"...they tend to see extroverts as obnoxious predators out to steal their sweet, sweet juices." LOL Laugh LOL 
Reply
:iconperidotdreams:
peridotdreams Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
With 121 pages of comments, I don't think I could say anything that hasn't already been said. But having said that... this introvert thanks you for your eloquence.

Thank you for drawing, and take care!
Reply
:icontwistedtreeranch:
TwistedTreeRanch Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I am introverted, but I love sharing my energy. So when i burn out i burn out BAD and need like a week of recovery.
Reply
:iconautumnlatte:
autumnlatte Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this is so me.
(Not to mention that I'm INTJ)
Reply
:iconrandomcitizen12:
rAndoMCitIzen12 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh really? I am an INTP and I have yet to meet an INTJ!
Reply
:iconautumnlatte:
autumnlatte Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Heheh... Yep! Intjs value knowledge, and are one of the rarest personailites, especially in women. Men make up 1.2% of the population and women make up .8% so I guess that means you found a rare personality, congrats! XD
Reply
:iconrandomcitizen12:
rAndoMCitIzen12 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Student General Artist
that's awesome!! INTP's make up about 3% of the population

so it's a rare gem meeting another rare gem!Llama Emoji 25 (Mah Sexy Cheeks) [V2] 
Reply
:iconautumnlatte:
autumnlatte Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yes! :highfive:
Reply
:iconshadoweevee21:
ShadowEevee21 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is beyond true. If only everyone understood what being introverted meant, our lives would be so much easier.
Reply
:iconmonochromefuji:
MonochromeFuji Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
So true :D
Reply
:iconsorathefox20:
SoratheFox20 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm an Introvert and though I technically have many friends, I only have real relationships with a few of them.
Reply
:iconkatsanovari:
KatsaNovari Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014   Writer
Yeeeeeeeeeeeessss. I need to get this printed into pamphlets to hand out to people so they don't think I'm just being shy.
Reply
:iconkittygallor:
KittyGallor Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
my best friend is an extrovert and im an introvert, so all i need is her!
Reply
:iconchefia-64:
Chefia-64 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww.. Too cute hehe

I'm not introverted, then, I don't know how they are xD
Reply
:icondarkcolumbine:
DarkColumbine Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Aw, that's cute!
(And so totally true)
Reply
:iconeccentricbunny:
EccentricBunny Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
lol
Reply
:iconshadowsketch91:
ShadowSketch91 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Student General Artist
for people who can recognize themselves in this, great, i really hope this is a way for you actual introverts to explain yourselves to others.
For me personally, i can get energy from both social good vibes AND reading a book, whilst really annoying company as well as personal work can drain me completely empty.

I really don't think i fit in either group, (being the odd duck, again xD)

As for the artist who made this, great stuff, this can hopefully explain a lot to people who have a difficult time understanding introverts.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Edited Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All this tells me is, "treat these people special."
I'm an aggressive introvert, meaning that, if someone tries to interact with me, and I don't want to interact with them, I'll either tell them to shut up or ignore them completely.
I don't expect people to treat me with pity or look at me like I'm some kind of alien.
I want to be treated equally.

This helps no one.
It just puts introverts on a pedestal.

Make one for extroverts and balance your bias, please.
Reply
:iconanobouzu:
anobouzu Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
Nah, I'm mostly an introverted person and I agree with you. This is really kinda like giving me the message that people should just like...acknowledge us but don't talk otherwise you 'exhaust' us. It's kinda silly imo. But maybe I'm not the best person to talk to since I'm a bit of both.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Indeed, I'm the exact same way, (mostly introverted, but a little both, depending on the time and/or place, but for the record, I doubt that ANYONE is 100% "don't talk to me, I'm introverted" all the time). It's like saying, "Hey, you should give me sympathy over the way I am, despite the fact that there's nothing wrong with me." or something. That basically translates to "treat me special."
Reply
:iconanobouzu:
anobouzu Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014
Oh yeah. definitely. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've met some way over the top extroverts and they DO wear people out - even other extroverts. But that doesn't mean that extroverts or even those in the middle have to accommodate introverts - we're all people.

I think a few minutes of conversation (or lack thereof) will let us know how we should act/speak with someone, rather than have to take advice from some guide treating introverts as a special kind of folk. It's called adaptability and social skills - people need to know them.

while I see that maybe  this guide was made for others to understand why extreme-introverts might react the way they do in what others think as a normal social setting, it came off as a bit presumptuous and honestly, I think it just does introverts a disservice - not to mention sort of chiding extroverts for just being who they are.  If introverts can be introverts, then extroverts and can be extroverts.


if anything - we need these sorts of things on how to talk with/live with people with mental disorders or inhibitions, not freakin' personality traits.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
THANK YOU.
I swear, some introverts have got to be the most selfish people on the planet when it comes to this...
They think their personality trait needs to be treated like a disorder or something...

It's kind of sickening.
Reply
:icontwintailcat:
TwintailCat Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Student General Artist
No where does it say to treat people like us special. I have no idea where you're getting that unless you're looking to be offended.
Its literally just explaining to people who don't understand what makes us different from extroverts, what makes us different from extrovert, and to respect that.

Nowhere does it say pity us. Nowhere does it put us on a pedestal.
It is breaking the typical introvert mindset down to as simple as possible term as it can, so people can understand it and back off instead of try to demand stuff from us that we can't give.

It's just breaking things down nice and simple and digestible, and then saying; Hey, you know that respect thing? That thing where you actually pay attention to how people might be feeling? Yeah, make use of that.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So you're saying all extroverts are disrespectful jerks? That's basically what I just read.
This little guide doesn't explain anything that no one already knows.
If introverts want to act like jerks to extroverts who are just being themselves, the two people obviously aren't compatible for friendship, and it shouldn't be pursued.

You can't expect extroverts to accept introverts for who they are, yet turn around and tell extroverts to act a different way just to make introverts feel better.
It's a double-standard, and it's disrespectful.
Reply
:iconthe1andonlyme91:
THE1andONLYme91 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
It isn't that extroverts are disrespectful jerks, it is in the way they interact with other people. What this is saying is that extroverts are bubbly and very social. Being social drives them. It's a natural instinct of the extrovert to seek out people and interact with them; share their life, share their space, strive to keep interactions going. Meanwhile, introverts become exhausted if pushed for too long and too far into social interaction.

If you don't understand how the introvert likewise bends to meet the extrovert halfway, put it this way. An extrovert is more likely to start a conversation first, however, they should be friendly without pushing too far right away to get a feel of who they're talking to. A fellow extrovert will jump on the chance to interact and they can keep going, feeding off each other. An introvert, however, doesn't jump at the chance for social interaction, and while they don't mind some, they prefer to minimize the amount. If an extrovert can hold back slightly, allowing for an introvert to become comfortable, the introvert will likewise then reach out. In this way, neither party is required to go all the way. The extrovert doesn't have to push their natural bubbliness down completely, or even for a long time. The introvert doesn't have to expend all of their energy trying to keep up with one person. It's very give and take.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, I understand the point it's making. My problem is that it's mean.
It clearly says introverts see extroverts as obnoxious energy-suckers. But introverts also need to understand that they're seen as stuck-up loners who hate everybody. Don't make one side look bad without fairly accusing the other for an equal and opposite offense.
Reply
:iconthe1andonlyme91:
THE1andONLYme91 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014
The thing is that I don't think you understand at all. Not all introverts see extroverts as energy-suckers, and it is basically what makes them an extrovert in the first place. An introvert is not a stuck up loner who hates everyone. There are many introverts that interact quite fine with people, spend entire days around people. What makes them introverted is that they get exhausted instead of pumped up from doing so. Being a loner is fine too, though not every introvert is a loner, and it certainly doesn't make them stuck up. As for hating everyone, perhaps they've run into you too many times and lost all faith in humanity. You can't possibly know who everyone hates or doesn't hate.
Reply
:icontwintailcat:
TwintailCat Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Student General Artist
I never said extroverts are disrespectful, or jerks. Seriously where are you pulling that from?
People as a whole forget that other people have boundaries and bubbles. Its not an extrovert thing, its a human thing.

This guide is not only aimed at extroverts, its aimed at anyone who does not understand how our base-most broken-down-to-the-absolute-bare-bones mindset works. That might be extroverts, other introverts, or people straddling the line between the two.
If an introvert reacts poorly to someone else invading their bubble/hamster ball/personal space, whatever term you want to use, that's not them being a jerk, that's them reacting to a perceived threat. Similarly if an extrovert reacts poorly to someone doing something that is a perceived threat, they have the right to respond poorly. It becomes an issue only when one side knows what the boundary is and crosses it anyways- introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between. In that case, you would be correct in that the friendship is not worth pursuing.

Course, you're probably going to find a way to completely over-analyze and misconstrue what I just typed sooo I'm just gonna end this here. Hope you have bountiful friendships with people who respect you, and that you never have to deal with jerks of any sort who may invade your personal boundaries, whatever they may be.
Reply
:icontealinia93:
Tealinia93 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My whole thing is that it's one-sided and unfair. It clearly says that introverts see extroverts as obnoxious energy-suckers, which is extremely rude. It makes extroverts not want to attempt to even be nice to introverts, lest they get hissed at.
This whole comic is mean unless you can relate to it.

But thanks for your kind wishes. I wish the same for you and hope that you, as a self-proclaimed introvert, are more accepting of people than what this comic implies.
Reply
:iconsomefrenchtoast:
SomeFrenchToast Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
lol, typical tumblr user getting offended and overanalyzing, yet again...
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